


after the fact

by toxica939



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 08:25:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13244376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxica939/pseuds/toxica939
Summary: Aaron ends things with Alex the same day they turn off Rebecca's life support. He doesn't know that at the time of course, he's not a total dickhead. He didn't even know that was on the cards at all until Robert turns up at his front door with that thousand yard stare he's perfected since the crash, Seb in the crook of one arm.It's a shitty day, all in all. And pathetically fitting that they end it together.





	after the fact

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for spoilers up to 11th Jan 2018

Aaron ends things with Alex the same day they turn off Rebecca's life support. He doesn't know that at the time of course, he's not a total dickhead. He didn't even know that was on the cards at all until Robert turns up at his front door with that thousand yard stare he's perfected since the crash, Seb in the crook of one arm.

Alex takes it about as well as Aaron had expected. In that he looks fucking furious, but he tells Aaron to keep the festival tickets, and he closes the door quietly behind him when he leaves.

It's a shitty day, all in all. And pathetically fitting that they end it together.

Robert shakes his head when Aaron offers him a beer. He's got Seb settled over one shoulder now, his little face slack with sleep. It still makes something ache in Aaron's chest, but it's not an open wound any more, more like pressing on a bruise.

He makes himself look, makes himself take the pair of them in. Robert is Seb's world right now, maybe always. Aaron likes the idea of that. Robert's always wanted to be needed, at least this way it's right.

Aaron slumps into the opposite corner of the sofa, knee drawn up between them and half a breath from resting against Robert's hip. He wonders sometimes, if he'll ever get used to this, ever stop measuring their interactions in proximity and body heat. Some days, when he's feeling honest, he sort of hopes not.

“So she's dead,” Robert says. He's whispering but it sounds loud in the silence between them. He has the grace not to cry about it, Aaron notes.

“It's not your fault,” Aaron tells him, not for the first time, in case that's what he came here to hear.

Robert shrugs his unoccupied shoulder. “I ruined that girl. On purpose. And I enjoyed doing it,” his eyes aren't empty any more, when they meet Aaron's, they're full of things Aaron has only ever seen in the mirror. “How do I explain that to him?”

Aaron shakes his head, rolls his lips into his mouth to hold in all sorts of platitudes. It's true and it isn't, nothing Aaron can say now will help.

“How do I come back from that?”

It's a plea, a cry for help. And Aaron doesn't know how to be anything other than honest with him.

“You've come back from worse.”

That forces an empty laugh from Robert's chest, the hint of smile. “Yeah. And somehow I never learn.”

Aaron looks at the space between them, inches and miles all at once; looks at Seb, at home and peace in his father's arms, as safe as he's ever going to feel.

“Yes, you do,” Aaron says, reaches over to toy with the loose end of Seb's cardigan. “I'm not giving you the speech again.”

Robert's smile reaches his eyes this time. “I know. Thanks.”

He doesn't tell him about Alex, in the end. It doesn't seem to matter.

:::

Rebecca's funeral is small; a few villagers, a handful of glamourous looking girls, out of place the same way she was at first. Lachlan's there, in cuffs, looking like nothing more than a kid in between two tired-eyed police officers. Liv swerves it, calls him a mug for putting his best suit on for her, but Aaron doesn't know how to stay away.

He keeps his distance. Robert's in the middle of a huddle of Sugden support, Seb tucked against his chest like always. He doesn't want to intrude. He just wanted to see.

He hates himself for it a bit. He's not glad she's dead, he doesn't hate _her_. But he doesn't really feel anything at all. Mostly, he's just glad it's over. Rebecca isn't a time in his life that Aaron is particularly proud of. He feels like she's setting him free.

Robert wanders over, after, when everyone else is drifting toward the pub for Vic's sandwiches and to practice their sad faces some more.

“You didn't have to come,” Robert says, and Aaron's grateful to be able to watch Lachlan being hustled back into an unmarked car, instead of meeting Robert's eyes.

He shrugs. It's spring, cool out, grass dewey on his shoes. Another distraction.

“I'm glad you did.”

Aaron glances up then, gets as far as Seb's slow-blinking blue eyes. He's starting to fill out now, Robert's brow and Rebecca's mouth, funny little chin that's all his own. Aaron doesn't know how to look away.

“How's he doing?” he asks. If it were any other baby he'd have tucked his finger into that dimpled little fist by now, addressed him directly.

If he were any other baby.

Robert cuddles him closer. “Yeah, good, I think. What do I know? We're figuring it out.”

Aaron lays a hand against Robert's arm, not quite the friendly pat he means it to be, callouses catching on the wool of Robert's jacket. “You're doing great.”

He watches Robert's chin wobble before he hides it in the kiss he presses to Seb's head.

:::

Summer starts slow; days lengthening long before the temperature gets the memo. Which is Aaron's excuse for why he's outside barbecuing in a coat, while everyone else is inside.

He knows what Vic's going to say as soon as he sees her coming down the drive and holds up a pair of tongues to stop her. “Don't. I know.”

Vic's lips press together in amusement. “Liv?” she guesses.

“Gerry. With a helping of Liv and a lot less actual help than I was promised.”

“Sounds about right.”

“Ross is inside,” he tells her. The less said about that the better.

It's worth it for the glare she levels at him though. “Why would I care about that?”

Aaron shrugs innocently. “You tell me.”

Vic slaps at him, already moving to head inside. “You're as bad as Robert.”

Aaron's pulse does not still spike at the mere mention of his name. That would just be sad.

“He coming?” Aaron asks, can't help himself.

“Said he'd see if Dianne could watch Seb,” is all Vic says before she ducks inside, leaves Aaron to his burgers and a face full of smoke when the wind changes.

Robert doesn't make it.

:::

Robert in the cabin is a rare sight these days. But here he is, hunched over his desk, half a mug of coffee and enough paperwork to start of pretty decent bonfire. Aaron stumbles to a stop when he sees him and Gerry bounces off his back, out the door and down a step.

Robert glances up, face crinkling around a smile like it always does when he sees Aaron in passing these days. “Alright?”

“I was before he pushed me down the stairs,” Gerry answers for him, hustling his way into the cabin and making a beeline for the kettle like the well-trained little lackey he is. “Brew?” he offers Robert, because Gerry is the best of all of them. Aaron's never seen him be anything other than aggressively friendly to anyone. Takes all sorts to survive in prison, Aaron figures.

Robert shakes his head, reaching for his cup, before screwing his face up in disgust at the sip he takes. “And that's cold. Cheers mate, no sugar.”

Gerry nods, clanking spoons and getting to work.

Aaron inclines his head, nods outside and doesn't wait for Robert to unfold himself from his chair to head back out.

It's hot, sun high and bright today, and Robert has to shield his eyes when he steps outside.

“Everything okay?” he asks.

Aaron nods. “Yeah. Just haven't seen you around for a while.”

Barely at all in fact. Aaron had stupidly thought that their agreement at Christmas to try being friends might mean he saw a little more of Robert. Current evidence points to the contrary.

Robert looks away. “Sorry. Just,” he flaps his arms. “I got a place, over towards Hotten. Seb needed his own room so.”

“Okay,” Aaron has no idea how this is the first he's hearing of it.

Robert looks at him, shirt pulled tight across his chest, eyes in shadow under his brow. He looks good. Better than Aaron's seen him for a long while. It makes something turn over in his stomach to look at Robert and _want_. It shuffles his feet against the gravel for him.

“I'm happy for you,” he says.

Robert gives him a long look, the kind Aaron hasn't been on the receiving end of in a long time. “Are you?”

Aaron's at a loss. “I don't know what you mean.”

“Don't you?”

Aaron has enough self awareness to know when he's being teased. But he's never been very good at knowing when he's being flirted with. It feels like too big of a risk to check which this is.

Except Robert's always been more reckless with his pride, and he's the one who step in close, hand curling into a fist around the open front of Aaron's high vis, mouth quirking into a smile Aaron definitely remembers.

“You should come over some time,” he says.

And it's such a line, such a ridiculous thing for Robert to say to him after everything they've been through, after the last few months of stilted smiles and friendly nods, that Aaron bursts out laughing. Takes Robert with him, faces creasing in the sun.

“Have I missed a joke?” Gerry asks, clomping down the steps with a mug in each hand.

Aaron's eyes linger on Robert's smiling face, suddenly breathless with how light he feels, how easy it can be between them. There's a crack in the box he'd packed Robert away in, a heartbeat that wont quite die.

The air between them feels alive again, and it's terrifying.

:::

Aaron does go over. Of course he does. When has he ever been able to let a thing lie when it comes to Robert Sugden?

“He's still a knob,” Liv had said as Aaron had pocketed his wallet and phone.

Aaron had rolled his eyes. “I'm going over to see his new place, not move in with him.”

Liv had looked dubious, but she hadn't said anything else. Aaron figures that's the closest to her blessing as they're going to get.

Robert's new house is nice, part of a barn conversion in the middle of nowhere just outside the village. Aaron could probably have walked it if the weather was nice.

As it is, Robert peels his wet coat from his shoulders as soon as he's in the door and drapes it over a chair in the hallway. Aaron toes off his shoes, not even a little bit surprised to realise there's underfloor heating.

The place is nothing like the Mill, when Robert leads him through to the living room. It's all wood and brown leather, thick rugs, more books than Aaron even knew Robert had.

“This place looks great,” he says, for lack of anything else to say. It looks grown up, is what he means. Like a place where Robert fits.

Robert turns to smile at him. “Thanks. I'll have to move half of this stuff when Seb starts walking but,” he shrugs. “I like it.”

And it's not as though Aaron has ever forgotten that Seb lives with Robert, that they're a package deal as much as him and Liv ended up being. But it's still jarring to see baskets of baby toys in the corner of the room, Seb sat in the middle of a foam jigsaw, the corner of it pulled up into is mouth.

He freezes when he sees Aaron, face crumpling on it's way to a howl. Robert moves quickly, scooping him up on to one hip before he gets chance to cry. It seems to settle him, being up high and snuggled up tight to his dad, enough that he makes do with blinking at Aaron suspiciously, anyway.

“Do you want a drink?” Robert asks, already on his way back out into the hall.

“I'm driving,” Aaron calls. “But, yeah, anything would be good.”

He flounders a little, once he's left alone, and sits himself down on the plush leather sofa for lack of anything else to do.

There's a couple of photography books on the coffee table, actual coffee table books that Aaron just _knows_ , are only for show. It's the reason he's grinning when Robert comes back with Aaron's drink.

They don't turn the telly on, they don't even talk about anything much at all. But by the end of the night Aaron shoulders feel loose and he's got Seb sat on one of his feet, tiny hand fisted in the hem of his jeans.

“I think he likes you,” Robert says. And it's tentative, like he doesn't know if that's an okay thing to say.

Aaron strokes a hand over Seb's hair. Sometimes, you don't even realise a bruise has stopped hurting until after it's gone.

“Of course he does, got good taste haven't you mate?”

Seb looks up at him, bewildered, sucks a wet patch into the leg of Aaron's jeans while neither of them do a thing to stop him.

“I didn't think we'd ever sit here like this,” Robert says gently. His hand is on the sofa cushion between them and he curls his index finger so his knuckle presses against Aaron's thigh.

Aaron tips his head back, looks at the shadows on the vaulted ceiling, feels the pull in his throat when he swallows and the space in his chest where Robert used to be. Where Robert still is, somehow.

The silence is ringing, Aaron's heart a panicked bird behind his ribs.

He wants to be ready for this. So badly.

He wishes.

He can't help the twist of his mouth when he looks back at Robert, can't help the way his stomach churns when he shakes his head and Robert's face falls.

“I should go,” is what he says, and it sounds as helpless as he feels.

Robert's hand curls over his thigh, light pressure, not enough to hold him down.

“That's not a no,” Robert says.

“No,” Aaron agrees. “It's not.”

:::

“I still hate him,” Liv says, when Aaron hanging out with Robert becomes less of an event and more of a routine.

Aaron knocks the fridge shut with his elbow and shares a look with Gerry over the back of the sofa. “No you don't.”

“I like him,” Gerry offers. “He funny. And he paid me a bunch of money that one time.”

Aaron closes his eyes briefly. “Not helping. But thanks.”

Gerry shrugs. “I'm just saying. He's no worse than any of the other fellas you've brought home.”

This time Aaron closes his eyes and contemplates never opening them again.

“He cheated on him while he was in prison,” Liv says, like it's nothing, like it's a throw away line to be used to win a petty argument.

If Aaron slams the beer he's holding down on the counter a little too hard, he doesn't think anyone can blame him.

He keeps his back to them for a second, ignores the foam spilling over his knuckles.

“Sorry,” Liv says, quietly.

And that's just the thing isn't it, everyone's always sorry after the fact. Himself included.

:::

It's easy in the end. The same end of the night weight that's settled over them both the last few times Aaron's been here. That same pause and shuffle, when they both know it's time for Aaron to start making tracks but neither of them wants it to happen. Aaron's never been the best at reading the moment, but he knows Robert's eyes on him. He knows this.

Aaron helps himself to a glass of water, back against the sink while he sips at it, watches Robert putter about tidying his little kitchen. He's lit quiet and hazy by the under cabinet lights, almost fills the place.

Aaron licks at his lips when their gazes crash together, breath shuddering still in his chest.

Robert doesn't say anything as he steps in close, the heat of him is enough to set Aaron's blood to a simmer. The tension they've been dancing around bubbling up, fizzing across Aaron's skin in a shiver.

Robert's kiss, when it comes, is nothing like he remembers. It's gentle, soft, almost chaste if Robert knew how. There's another as Robert's fingers skim the heat of Aaron's cheek. Another as he changes the angle of his head. Another as Aaron tips his head back, swallowing a fucking whimper because he can't get close enough like this.

Aaron's the one who deepens it, tongue moving into the space between Robert's gasping lips, making their bodies surge together.

Robert pulls away suddenly, chest heaving and Aaron wavers after him, even while he's grateful for the oxygen.

Robert's face is a blur, he gets a glimpse of the pink of his lips, wet sheen of his tongue behind his teeth and Aaron's hand is sliding up into the back Robert's hair, pulling him down into the sort of desperate, wet, sucking kiss he'd imagined them falling into one day. When Robert finally thought _fuck it_ and pushed him up against a wall or down on the floor or over a desk. Or anything.

It's visions of that, spinning out of control in his head. Who they used to be blurring with this, with the Robert who still wants to give him everything and maybe can this time. It's that that has Aaron scrambling, hands quick and eager, pulling in handfuls of Robert's t shirt until it's up, up, and off. Miles of skin for Aaron to remember.

Robert doesn't stop kissing him, pinning Aaron's hips back against the sink, thigh slipping between Aaron's to grind against him.

Aaron's blind with want. Can't remember the last time he felt like this. Maybe that day at the yard, drunk on possibility and fear.

It's a sharp cry that has them stumbling apart. Seb's betrayed wail tapering off into huffy little whimpers. Robert's head turns to the monitor in the corner.

Cold air rushes in when Robert falls back, gesturing awkwardly. "I should."

Aaron nods, forces himself to keep still. "Yeah. Course. Go."

Robert backs to the doorway, eyes still hot on Aaron's, mouth still wet. "Don't go anywhere."

Aaron couldn't even if he wanted to.

He picks up the empty glass he left in the sink, fills it again, holds it in shaking hands. He can hear Robert cooing at Seb through the monitor, the shuffle of blankets. His lips feel bruised.

Robert comes back a few minutes later, stops in the door way. He's still shirtless, lips and chin scuffed red. He's still the fittest thing Aaron has ever seen.

"Second thoughts?" Robert asks, he doesn't look like he wants to know the answer but he meets Aaron's eyes anyway.

Aaron lets him look, lets Robert see exactly how shaken he is, how hard, how inside out. He's done hiding and he's done denying himself. He gets to choose which life he wants, he's earned that.

He shakes his head.

 

 


End file.
